To know one’s fear is to be free of it. – Osho

Don’t fucking panic, Bob. Keep your shit together. – One Battle After Another

I’ve always been fearful about my job.

I remember my first internship, where I was terrified of getting exposed as an imposter. I’d listen to the Terminator Theme to stay motivated as I cycled home in the dark. I’d survived another day.

When I moved to America, my fears shifted to worries about getting fired and then losing my visa which was tied to my job. Every vague invite from my boss was a potential dismissal. I thought I’d be fired if I asked for too many days vacation.

Between jobs, interviewing was always this chilling task where I was seemingly never prepared enough.

Mostly, my fears of failing, losing my job and ending up homeless never came true. And over time I gained confidence and started to feel less fear.

Less fear. In a way, that’s been a big goal. Feel less fear. Fight fear. Remove fear. I pictured a successful career as never feeling fear again.

When you are identified and engulfed by fear, it’s horrible. It feels like you’re in a building with fire in it. Getting burnt alive is something you imagine and that also feels like it could really happen. Anxiety adds the alarm bells. So it makes sense that you want it to go away. I think that’s our habitual response to fear.

Fighting fear works… until it doesn’t. I don’t think fear can ever really go away. Even if fear did go away, I don’t think you’d want it to.

I don’t think fear ever stops feeling like fear either, that’s just what it is. But if we look at fear as information, rather than something to remove, it can work for us rather than against us.

Maybe the choice that makes you feel a bit scared is the right choice, even if you don’t want it to be.

Maybe feeling fear during an interview is a sign that you actually care and want the job.

Maybe if you felt no fear with your work, it’s a sign that it’s time to move on?

It’s worth asking ourself: Am I trying to improve/grow/do something cool or just trying to feel no fear?

It’s just fear

We’ve evolved to get really good at listening to fear. That’s partly why we’ve survived. In doing so we’ve become too good at reacting to it.

Yes, there’s an overwhelming, stifling, oppressive quality to fear. Yes fear can force us to run, hide, hoard and harm.

But what if fear doesn’t want us to over react? Maybe fear is simply waving to us and saying, notice me.