It’s a shame we take our thoughts so seriously.

They distract and pull us away from what’s actually going on. They sneakily absorb our attention without us noticing. Spiritual teacher Osho goes further, calling them “parasites”.

If we could just take a step back and find a little distance, our thoughts might have less influence over us. We might be able to live without instantly reacting or getting caught up in their stories.

This is possible with a little mindfulness, and shows us there’s nothing there to worry about.

With “humility and the patience”, Richard Rohr says, “you will say 98% of your thought patterns are repetitive and useless.”

So what do we do with them?

Even if they are mostly negative or trivial, it’s not possible to stop the tap of thoughts. Instead, the usual advice is that we should treat them kindly.

It’s good advice. Letting your thoughts float by without clutching onto them or harsh judgement helps to de-potentiate their energy and prevents one from acting them out. Altering your nervous system with a long walk or a cold plunge can also help.

But it’s not easy to be kind and understanding, especially when we are dealing with persistent, ‘sticky’ or uncomfortable thoughts.

So here’s another approach.

Your thoughts are racing, they’re really distracting you, and pretty soon you’ll be completely carried off by them. When that happens, try saying this:

“Yes? What else.”

Let’s say you’re upset about the dinner you’ve cooked for yourself. Thoughts might show up like:

• “I should have planned this better.”
• “I should have eaten that yesterday, now it’s going to go bad.”
• “I wish this looked more appetising.”

Step 1: Say “Yes?”

Firstly, affirm the thought by saying, internally or out loud, “Yes?”

When you say this, try to take on the attitude of someone who is patient, a little bemused, and on the verge of exasperation, like someone dealing with a person who doesn’t quite know what they’re doing.

“Yes?” is a statement of recognition. You’ve grabbed hold of something that usually lives in the dark and you’ve brought it out into the light. And you want to do so without being judgmental. We’re not wishing it away or demanding it be different.

The thought may not feel very nice to touch. The thought might have a feeling tone of desperation, or sadness or some other emotion. If it’s something annoying, problematic or scary, you’ll probably want to drop it and do something else. Eat some food, watch YouTube, whatever. Or you might fall back into the old pattern and get carried away thinking about it.

Step 2: Say “What else?”

If you can stomach one thought without distraction, see if you can handle a second.

After you say “Yes?” then say, “What else?”

Another thought might arrive.

The attitude should be the same. Slightly impatient, but non-judgmental.

When you do this, you’ve made the choice to grab some more stuff  from down in the drain.

“What else?”
“What else?”
(“Is that all ya got?”)

We keep that attitude going. We’re rolling our eyes at ourselves. We’re nodding. It’s not scary. It’s maybe even a bit boring. It’s not the end of the world. It’s just more thoughts.

When big, heavy thoughts appear

Sometimes really “big” thoughts will come up. 

• “I’m never going to be able to cook something nice.”
• “I’m a loser.”
• “It’s never going to change.”
• “I’m going to be broke forever.”
• “I don’t know what to do.”

They might feel scarily true, like facts rather than opinions. We might call these beliefs. A belief quietly trains you to expect certain things from life. Like a child might expect to see Santa on the roof on Christmas Eve. But they’re just thoughts too, just ones you’ve probably thought a lot of times in your life.

And what do we say to beliefs? Same as we do to any other thought. 

Yes? What else.

When we say “What else?” we don’t treat one thought as more special than another. And why should we? I didn’t choose any of the thoughts that arrived in my head, so why should I honour some over others?

By doing this over and over, we’re teaching ourselves that we can handle any thought. 

Tips and caveats

This is a slow process, and we shouldn’t need to rush into it.

Start small
It will feel stupid at first. You are talking to yourself. Start with small, everyday thoughts, before trying this with bigger beliefs. Practice while washing up.

Don’t go deep
There’s no need to spend any time trying to understand or intellectualise the thoughts. This isn’t depth-psychology. All I’m suggesting is three words, plus a basic, non-judgmental attitude.

Watch out for moods
If you’re in a really good mood, you probably won’t want to do this at all.
If you’re in a really bad mood or feeling very reactive, I wouldn’t recommend it either. We’re adding attention to our thoughts, which might fuel some flames unnecessarily.

Why this works

One big reason this sort of practice is helpful is because it’s the exact opposite of what we usually do. Most of the time we do one of the following with our thoughts:

• Buy it totally and get completely identified with it
• Resist and rage against it
• Run from it, numbing out with food, tv or other distractions.

But to simply look at a thought, raise our eyebrows, keep looking, and calmly ask for more, is a complete 180. And we could all do more 180s.