We are wired to solve problems. It doesn’t matter how big or small the problem is. Once we recognise a problem exists, we usually do something about it. We buy a band-aid for our blister. We take night classes to train up for a better job. We get counselled for our relationship problems. We leave angry comments on YouTube.
We really value problem solvers. If you’re clever at solving hard problems, companies will give you lots of money. We vote for politicians we believe can solve our problems.
Survival is the problem we need to keep solving. And through a certain lens, our lives are a series of responses to different shaped and sized problems.
That’s why it’s a little unsettling when someone faces a problem and says they can’t solve it.
What do you mean you can’t? That’s not what we like to hear. We’d rather hear about solutions, options and ideas for making something better. We don’t want to hear about giving up.
But sometimes that’s all we can do.
This is the crisis Nora (Renate Reinsve) finds herself in the film Sentimental Value. She’s struggling with a suffocating depression and cries out to no one in particular: “Help me. I can’t do this anymore, I can’t do it alone.”
After years of ignoring advice from doctors, friends and the latest scientific research, people often say they started to lose weight in earnest when they couldn’t see their toes anymore or weren’t able to pick up their grandchildren.
Alcoholics say something similar when they start Alcoholics Anonymous. They introduce themselves to strangers as an alcoholic who is powerless over their problem with alcohol.
Admitting to a huge problem that you don’t know how to solve isn’t fun. That’s why almost no one does it. Instead, we keep looking for a place to hide, like we’re in the desert looking for shelter from the sun. We believe we are capable of doing anything. We rely on excuses, clever logic, stories and other fabrications that sound like problem solving and progress.
But when we admit we can’t do something, or that we really don’t know how to proceed with our lives, at least we’re being honest. In that moment, we are seeing our life, in whatever shape it is in, clearly and truthfully.
If we really can’t do it, we can’t do it. And that might suck.
Well I had a job, but I got laid off. I had a heart but it got too soft. I had a girlfriend and she lied. I had a wife but my wife she died. – Buddy Guy
The Buddhists organise suffering into eight groups.1
The four major or universal sufferings are birth, aging, sickness, and death.
The four minor sufferings are of having to part with loved ones, of having to meet those one hates, of being unable to obtain one’s desires, and suffering arising from the five components of life.
If you’ve ever itched your neck on a hot day, caught a flu, or bumped into an old high-school rival, you can rightly say you have suffered.
And if you spend a few spare minutes learning about current world events, you will quickly see just how much suffering is happening to humans and animals at any one moment.
Most of us can intellectually understand the suffering that happens in distant countries or to people we’ve never met, but it’s very hard to comprehend. You could tell me my house burned down, and I could imagine it, and maybe start to feel a lot of stress and shock, but it’s probably not until I see the incinerated remains of my living room that reality would sink in.
The other thing we learn when we read the news is that we are not all suffering equally. A person living in a refugee settlement in Dhaka is dealing with a very different material situation than a person born into a middle-class family in Zurich.
I’m in that second group. Pick any framework or wellbeing score you want, I could tick off most of the boxes. I’m just not suffering that bad.
From my position, when I feel anxiety, sadness, loneliness or anything else that’s clearly not good, I quickly remind myself that it’s not that bad in the scheme of things. It really could be worse.
It’s true, it could be worse, but why aren’t I allowed to feel dissatisfied? Why is it that a warden from the Gratitude Police™ taps me on the shoulder and tells me how inconceivably lucky I am to possess my current living arrangements?
Because even if I don’t allow myself to feel miserable, even if feel guilty that I dislike something about myself or my life, it doesn’t mean I’m not suffering.
It’s suffering, just in the form of something like guilt. Suffering becomes inescapable in this sense. Like water, it fills in all the gaps, ensuring that every available person suffers, if they want to. Guilt is also “arrogant”, author Robert A. Johnson writes, “because it means we have taken sides in an issue and are sure that we are right.”2
On the flip side, guilt can prevent us from being happy. When we find ourselves feeling joyful and carefree, someone (perhaps the Joy Police™) grabs us by the scruff of our neck and says “hey, not too much of that Joy stuff. Don’t you know there’s people hurting?”
Don’t listen. I could reel off lots of things that I’m incredibly lucky to have, but I could equally do the same for all my sufferings. We all could. It’s what fills every film, novel, play or conversation at a bus stop. But there’s no Olympics to compete in, leaderboards or medals to be awarded.
No matter who we are, or what we are, we’re all suffering and to ever think we need to create more of it, is simply more suffering.
No one likes to be a hypocrite. No one wants to be wrong, look stupid or say something obviously contradictory.
But we are often wrong, about lots of things, most of the time.
Instead of trying to be less wrong, we usually just pretend we are right. I’m pretty good at doing this. It’s easy. And I think most people do it too. You just ignore all the little things you’re wrong about. This is called confirmation bias, a perceptual error that causes us to ignore or undervalue contradictory evidence.
But once in a while, I’ll get a reality check which pops me out of my bubble. Something will happen that forces me to see my own hypocrisy.
I’ll be complaining to myself about my job as I walk past someone welding steel in 105 degree heat. I wonder, do I want that job instead?
I complain to a friend that I’m bored and they immediately ask me to help them with an annoying task.
I spend months making a case for a feature to be built, but when it finally gets approved, I resent the fact that a co-worker gets to work on it instead of me.
It’s painful to hear these little truths. I don’t want to admit how close-minded or petty or self important I’ve been. I’d rather ignore them or make up some other story about what was going on. And usually, that’s what I do.
But if I can sit with them and digest them a little, new opportunities arise, which weren’t available before. What not to do. Where not to go. What not to say.
Hypocrisy doesn’t show me the truth , but it does shows me untruth, which is still pretty useful, and objectively better than whatever fog shrouded alley I was lost in moments before.
The physical events of my life don’t change either. I don’t instantly get a new job or a promotion or whatever. But I do get to change my desire of things to change.
In this way, we can move forward through life, removing hypocrisy bit by bit.
We all have a ridiculous number of thoughts everyday. Most are invisible. Most of the rest are like a highly repetitive radio station. But there’s the occasional thing – a quote, an observation, an insight, a dream, an idea, that is worth sieving out of my brain. In 2025, I wrote down about 2000 notes. Here’s 100 of them, in loosely chronological order.
Being sad is natural, it’s not a crime.
What thing will you make into a problem next?
Go for a walk at dawn or dusk
It’s actually a good thing to not know what to do next
One of the things the body likes the least is to be ignored
Flirting: The pleasure is saying “I think you’re hot” without saying it.
Instead of asking “are you ok”.. we should be saying “what incredible thing you’re doing. How can I help?” – Marienne Williamson
If you don’t follow pop culture, you start to sound naive. I say “did you see that touchdown?” and my friend says “he’s a horrible human being”
In what way is it useful or important to explain the ‘true nature’ of reality?
More than you’d think, people just want to vent.
Watch the urge to show off around a mentor, expert, guide, or therapist
One of the best feelings is ‘having each others back’
Spiritual teachers have taken on an incredible burden: dealing with the questions from spiritual seekers
“If you have two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one and a lily with the other.” – Chinese
Months of dedicated training : + 20 watts. Skull bandana: + 20 watts
I realize that if a car creeps up behind you the simplest thing to do is slow down and let it pass. The car gets what it wants. You get what you want.
In what circumstances did their current behaviour make sense? – Alain de Botton
Yawning is usually a nervous tick rather than a good signal of tiredness.
Addicted: You never get what you think you’ll get. And once you’re past it, you don’t want what you wanted.
If I have to suffer, then let it be from my reality. A neurosis is a much greater curse! – Carl Jung
A child is poking at a bee. A Spanish nanny is urging him to “Leave it alone. It’s beautiful.”
They say Emperor Tai understood the universe by understanding people.
I have received more than enough good advice in my life, but so often, all I’ve heard is scolding and patronizing.
“Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by rulers as useful.” – Seneca
Imagine you’ve just realized you are dead. Imagine you’ve just realized you are alive.
Little kids walking themselves to school: Some are being kids, some are being their parents.
A perfect ad: A sign stuck on a fence next to a fresh paved driveway reads “Hot Bitumen Driveways + Phone number”.
Therapy is like someone gently pointing out a tattoo on your arm that you forgot you had.
“It is hard to have a Southern overseer; it is worse to have a Northern one; but worst of all when you are the slave-driver of yourself.” – Henry David Thoreau, Walden
Once you stop complaining to other people, there’s no one left to complain to.
One of the best qualities of a teammate is initiative
“To be able to laugh at yourself can be just as liberating as to cry over yourself.”
A psychopath is someone who gets everything their ego wants.
If you want to feel less tired, stop looking at the clock.
Popular business books will say stuff like “what we need is resilient systems not people.” It’s a clear/interesting/memorable idea, but it’s not necessarily the truth
Resistance to ‘hell’ is the shortest path to it. – A.H. Almaas.
We all have beliefs about change.
The person you wished would notice you, probably wishes they were noticed by someone else.
Concentration drifts if a book is too simple, or too hard. Absorption happens in the middle.
I suffer when I think I’m either over or under-utilised
An outdoor cat … knows how to suppress his chasing instinct. He isn’t a slave to rapid motion (like a laser pointer). – Temple Grandin
How to experience politics: Try and ask multiple different people for the same thing.
Ask someone to dance if you can see that they really want to dance
In the age of social media, a photo you take for its own sake, for your own library, is like an act of rebellion.
There’s great energy stored in your most avoided to-do task
Only once I had realized that it’s easier to just accept an invite than avoiding, that’s when I stopped getting invited to stuff
I stopped drinking orange juice when I asked myself, when would I ever want to sit down and eat 6 oranges in a row?
Every frustration is just a frustration.
People tend to speed up after they’ve been forced to slow down and wait for someone
Just believing a story, or just believing a theory won’t help you. It could be true or it could be false. Even if you believe a true story, simply believing it, changes nothing. – Yuval Noah Harari
Your words, drawings are exactly as “good” as they can be. They are what they are. They also naturally show your personality.
Schools, churches and houses seem to be much more alive when there are people inside
People who are paranoid and conspiratorial have a very unfortunate mix of imagination and negative beliefs.
When the Angels sing for God, they play Bach, but when they sing for themselves they play Mozart, and God eavesdrops —Karl Barth
Look out at the world around you and imagine you’ve just committed a crime and will soon be going to jail. How does this change how you perceive the world?
A mood, by its transient nature shows one that all unpleasant emotion is transient
An old friend of mine, a journalist, once said that paradise on earth was to work all day alone in anticipation of an evening in interesting company.” – Ian McEwan
There basically needs to be intent behind every line you draw, every word you write. This probably contributes to ‘writers block’.
No feeling can be captured or contained.
A beautiful woman can distract a man from the greatest sights on earth
Realizing people aren’t listening to you can work wonders for your communication skills
“Escaping from yourself is not possible. Where will you go?” – Osho
Rather than feel envious about someone’s travels, imagine their trip as required for their mental wellbeing.
America is a nation of willpower. Use it or get steamrolled by it.
Seeing your shadow is a bit like noticing a house on a street you walk down all the time.
Travel can feel so joyous because we find ourselves walking outside somewhere at 10am on a Monday, rather than inside, in the same place we always are.
Sometimes nothing can be done. But nothing can ever be done when you’re scared
My grandfather used to bet on his hand without looking at his cards.
Would you rather die poor, or die wanting to be rich?
You should never ask an ex-professional athlete weight loss tips
Consciousness is the capacity to suffer – Yuval Noah Harari
It’s hard for a hoarder to keep a diamond ring safe, when they treat old magazines like diamonds
“When I see guys texting (in the gym) they’re not serious… (it’s) Mickey Mouse stuff.” – Arnold
The greatest gift is not getting what you wanted, but no longer wanting it.
It’s hard to find something if you weren’t paying attention when you last touched it.
Blame is a way to avoid true failure. If you ‘fail’ but blame someone, it doesn’t count.
Look at what you’re cleaning from a different angle.
Don’t worry about someone forcing you to face something, you should worry because no one will ever force you to face something.
“Honestly, it’s good to be alive. It’s quite exciting.” – Dreams (1990)
Most of the frustration between generations is inability to be heard.
“He played piano and he sang at Auschwitz… he used to tell me “Mr. Roth, sing as if you life depended on it.” – David Lee Roth
American football is sort of simulated war. To get peace, someone needs to lose (ties don’t count)
“I’ll tell you what freedom is: No fear. Like Tom fucking Cruise.” – One Battle After Another (2025)
Most people will be pretty good at hiding the stuff that stresses them.
Maybe from the perspective of the distant future, we are living in an incredible golden age
The idea behind singing the next line purposefully not rhyming is like drawing or making a collage that looks bad
Every fact of science was once damned. Every invention was considered impossible. – Robert Anton Wilson
A basic experience of freedom: stop a habit
“Jet lag is your soul being dragged around by your body.” – William Gibson
Sorry I didn’t notice you judging me / Oh sorry I forgot to judge you.
“If the bee disappears from the surface of the Earth, man would have no more than four years left to live.” – Einstein
Assume anything you know has the chance to be able to be known by others.
It is a completely different quality when a man shapes an object compared to a machine.
There’s almost never a good reason to interrupt.
Adults have closed minds. They think they are watching everything. They aren’t watching. They have got a routine way of looking. – Milton H. Erickson
In business, we use words as a tool to get stuff done. Sometimes they are used to persuade, but usually one wants to ensure words aren’t getting in the way of your communication
Rather than complain “oh I haven’t done this since I was a kid or teenager”, we should be grateful: “oh thanks to my younger self I’ve already got a good starting point.
You’re inevitable
The only good thing about YouTube videos that really piss you off, is the recognition that they really piss you off.
When you fixate too much on yourself or your personality then it just becomes unbearable
January 11, 2025 @ 11:08am – Bolinda, Macedon, Australia
It’s a shame we take our thoughts so seriously.
They distract and pull us away from what’s actually going on. They sneakily absorb our attention without us noticing. Spiritual teacher Osho goes further, calling them “parasites”.
If we could just take a step back and find a little distance, our thoughts might have less influence over us. We might be able to live without instantly reacting or getting caught up in their stories.
This is possible with a little mindfulness, and shows us there’s nothing there to worry about.
With “humility and the patience”, Richard Rohr says, “you will say 98% of your thought patterns are repetitive and useless.”
So what do we do with them?
Even if they are mostly negative or trivial, it’s not possible to stop the tap of thoughts. Instead, the usual advice is that we should treat them kindly.
It’s good advice. Letting your thoughts float by without clutching onto them or harsh judgement helps to de-potentiate their energy and prevents one from acting them out. Altering your nervous system with a long walk or a cold plunge can also help.
But it’s not easy to be kind and understanding, especially when we are dealing with persistent, ‘sticky’ or uncomfortable thoughts.
So here’s another approach.
Your thoughts are racing, they’re really distracting you, and pretty soon you’ll be completely carried off by them. When that happens, try saying this:
“Yes? What else.”
Let’s say you’re upset about the dinner you’ve cooked for yourself. Thoughts might show up like:
“I should have planned this better.”
“I should have eaten that yesterday, now it’s going to go bad.”
“I wish this looked more appetising.”
Step 1: Say “Yes?”
Firstly, affirm the thought by saying, internally or out loud, “Yes?”
When you say this, try to take on the attitude of someone who is patient, a little bemused, and on the verge of exasperation, like someone dealing with a person who doesn’t quite know what they’re doing.
“Yes?” is a statement of recognition. You’ve grabbed hold of something that usually lives in the dark and you’ve brought it out into the light. And you want to do so without being judgmental. We’re not wishing it away or demanding it be different.
The thought may not feel very nice to touch. The thought might have a feeling tone of desperation, or sadness or some other emotion. If it’s something annoying, problematic or scary, you’ll probably want to drop it and do something else. Eat some food, watch YouTube, whatever. Or you might fall back into the old pattern and get carried away thinking about it.
Step 2: Say “What else?”
If you can stomach one thought without distraction, see if you can handle a second.
After you say “Yes?” then say, “What else?”
Another thought might arrive.
The attitude should be the same. Slightly impatient, but non-judgmental.
When you do this, you’ve made the choice to grab some more stuff from down in the drain.
We keep that attitude going. We’re rolling our eyes at ourselves. We’re nodding. It’s not scary. It’s maybe even a bit boring. It’s not the end of the world. It’s just more thoughts.
When big, heavy thoughts appear
Sometimes really “big” thoughts will come up.
“I’m never going to be able to cook something nice.”
“I’m a loser.”
“It’s never going to change.”
“I’m going to be broke forever.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
They might feel scarily true, like facts rather than opinions. We might call these beliefs. A belief quietly trains you to expect certain things from life. Like a child might expect to see Santa on the roof on Christmas Eve. But they’re just thoughts too, just ones you’ve probably thought a lot of times in your life.
And what do we say to beliefs? Same as we do to any other thought.
Yes? What else.
When we say “What else?” we don’t treat one thought as more special than another. And why should we? I didn’t choose any of the thoughts that arrived in my head, so why should I honour some over others?
By doing this over and over, we’re teaching ourselves that we can handle any thought.
Tips and caveats
This is a slow process, and we shouldn’t need to rush into it.
Start small It will feel stupid at first. You are talking to yourself. Start with small, everyday thoughts, before trying this with bigger beliefs. Practice while washing up.
Don’t go deep There’s no need to spend any time trying to understand or intellectualise the thoughts. This isn’t depth-psychology. All I’m suggesting is three words, plus a basic, non-judgmental attitude.
Watch out for moods If you’re in a really good mood, you probably won’t want to do this at all. If you’re in a really bad mood or feeling very reactive, I wouldn’t recommend it either. We’re adding attention to our thoughts, which might fuel some flames unnecessarily.
Why this works
One big reason this sort of practice is helpful is because it’s the exact opposite of what we usually do. Most of the time we do one of the following with our thoughts:
Buy it totally and get completely identified with it
Resist and rage against it
Run from it, numbing out with food, tv or other distractions.
But to simply look at a thought, raise our eyebrows, keep looking, and calmly ask for more, is a complete 180. And we could all do more 180s.
Buddha Bike 