A decision, an action, are infallible omens of what we shall do another time, not for any vague, mystic, astrological reason but because they result from an automatic reaction that will repeat itself.

Cesare Pavese

Wherever we are at. Old. Young. Happy. Sad. If we are breathing, we are making choices. Which thing should we pick? Which way should we go? What should we eat for dinner? People around us keep doing stuff, triggering us and demanding us to take action. Stimulus sets off a response. We are bound up together in this cascading stream of events. We can drag our feet. We can complain. We can give up. We can delegate.

But the question of what do next keeps blinking on the screen of life.

And how exactly should we respond?

Our habits can change for lots of reasons. We can work on them consicoulsly, or we can simply grow out of them with age. But generally, a compulsive reaction means we really can’t act in a different way. It’s rigid and fixed. If we are terrified of the colour black, or we are obsessed with colour pink, our shopping selections will narrow down a lot. Our likes and dislikes are so familiar to us that it’s hard for us to step back and consider that they dominate how we make decisions. If you applied that preference for pink to someone who is not fussed about any particular colour, it would suddenly sound insane. “You’re saying I have to pick pink stuff for the rest of my life?” But that’s the condition under which many of our choices are made.

The Stoics recognized a long time before modern science that “there are no separate events” and that the present moment is the inevitable outcome of fate. When we act compulsively, it’s likely that what we want to happen will clash against what is actually happening. I mean, what are the chances that fate would match our (usually maladjusted) preferences? Hippolytus illustrates this resistance with a simple comparison: “When a dog is tied to a cart, if it wants to follow it is pulled and follows, making its spontaneous act coincide with necessity, but if it does not want to follow it will be compelled in any case. So, it is with men too: even if they do not want to, they will be compelled in any case to follow what is destined.” No matter how challenging the present is, it couldn’t possibly be any other way. Relax.

Actions have consequences. A decision made compulsively, like when you are immersed in anger or when you are triggered by some old memory, could have a real impact on your life. If I’m trying to lose weight, my habitual rush to the fridge for more food when I’m bored or lonely does not help me. Compulsively reaching for your phone when you are riding, causes your friend behind you to crash.

Epictetus said that “if your choices are beautiful,” he said, “so too will you be.” I’m not sure about beautiful, but I’d rather respond (or face a response) that has been considered calmly rather than blindly. And luckily, we don’t have to go through life constantly triggered by everything. In a very small, poorly lit gap between stimulus and response, we can find space to choose more reasonably, fairly and objectively.

Here’s what that response might look like:

Accepting

The sensation in your legs during a hard climb and the rain that has started are both things that the Stoics would say are out of your direct control. You might really suffer. But that suffering is yours to deal with. It’s an “interior matter.”¹ Rather than freak out, your response should recognizes this fact.

Equanimous

You’re riding your bike and suddenly a big truck swerves in front of you, cutting you off. You feel a surge of anger. That’s natural and normal, but what do you do next? Equanimity recognizes that the event that has just happened is neither good nor bad. Blaming, judging or acting as that emotion will not help us a tiny bit. From this position, instead we can pick a response that’s “well founded”² and do what’s required, to the best of our abilities. Equanimity helps us do this.

Flexible

You’ve said to yourself you are going for a run ‘no matter what’. But just as you’re lacing up, you get a phone call that a family member is getting rushed to the hospital. What do you do? The answer is obvious, but we often remain fixed and unwilling to change our minds. As much as possible we need to be able to stop, reconsider and reverse or change course. If we made the decision in the first place, we should feel empowered to change it. Epictetus gently reminded a man dead-set on killing himself that he had the ability to do something different: “Good thing someone else didn’t make that decision.”³

Responsible

If you are concerned about the impact of your action, that’s great, it means you are making a considered choice. All your actions have some consequence, so simply recognizing this fact means thats some level of responsibility is now visible to you too. Depending on the size of our decision, we could be impacting our own wellbeing, the people close to us, our community, the world, or all of the above. 

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Whether we like it or not, we are involved in life. And the question of what to do next is always confronting us. This doesn’t need to be a bad thing. With a little effort, we should aim make calm, considered choices rather than letting habit do the job for us. 

1. Johnson, Robert. Inner Gold ↩︎
2. Epictetus. Of Human Freedom ↩︎
3. Epictetus. Of Human Freedom ↩︎