Trialling a new way to write publicly. Rather than preparing an article every week, I’ll share some of my personal notes. Here are a few of them from the past week.

Big fish

On Saturday afternoon I swam some laps by myself. This used to be a very common thing for me to do, but for most of this year I almost only swim in a squad. So swimming some laps as the sun went down felt very nostalgic. It reminded me of swimming laps at the appropriately named Lone Mountain in San Francisco. When you have the lane to yourself the view is like what an airline pilot might see at night as he prepares for liftoff. Two lines stretching away from him. It’s a view that doesn’t get old. You’re not truly alone of course. There’s little interactions with others in the neighboring lanes. There’s the sound of children laughing and divebombing in the far lane. There’s the sun reflecting off you. And there’s the water that’s always there, but never the same. And there’s problems too. Boredom. Questions like:

• 38 laps, should I round out to 40?
• How many laps have I done?
• Are we there yet?

When you swim with others, there is more comparison, more structure and more pain but I rarely get bored, and in general time passes faster.

We need both. In every aspect of life, we need to do things alone and with others. Swimming is inherently a lonely, individual task but doesn’t to always be that way. 

Small fish

• Notice what makes you finish a task slightly before it’s finished. What are you feeling and thinking when you decide to finish at 38 laps rather than 40? There’s usually some very subtle sensation there.

• My swim coach told me off for slacking and I got really angry. I was saying to myself “but I’ve done so much hard work.” It’s an obnoxious, righteous part of myself. The fact was, I was slacking off. For me, I think this is actually a disguised craving for acknowledgement and praise. Funnily enough, I struggle to accept praise even when it’s handed to me fairly and squarely. Go figure.

• How to forgive yourself / others: “I didn’t know what I was doing.” “They didn’t know what they were doing.”

• Spring Haiku: Spring drizzle / Browsing at the picture book stall / Umbrella propped up – Anonymous

• “Everything in my shop is the best,” replied the butcher. You cannot find here any piece of meat that is not the best.” – Zen flesh and bones

• If you ever find yourself chased by a monster in a dream, the best thing to do is to stop running and turn to it in friendly way and say “Here I am, what exactly do you want?” A good analogy is a ringing phone. Pick up the phone.

• “People’s mind have become restless. Since they have money, they spend sleepless nights. Thinking about what to buy. Though we don’t have money, we sleep in peace. Our minds relaxed.“ – Zanskar monks

• It actually feels unsatisfying to generate new ideas because you’re not consciously doing it. It’s not the same feeling as writing a to-do item and ticking it off. You can’t say to yourself “I’m going to focus and come up novel, creative solutions.” You can only supply the intention, the material and be receptive enough to greet the idea when you have given up (in a shower, a walk etc). Your ego is simply too proud and deluded to admit it that it can’t come up with good ideas.

• Ben Shelton’s celebration. There’s something so striking about someone standing still while thousands of people cheer for them. It reminds me of Michael Jackson at the 1993 Super Bowl. He bursts through the stage only to stand dead-still for nearly 2 minutes. Can you imagine the energy of 100,000 people, revved up by the football looking and screaming at you all at once?

• “Lie down. Morning is cleverer than evening.” – Finnish and Estonian folk tales

• Album: I’m In The Wrong Business – A.C. Reed (1987)