When we begin to learn a new skill, our goals are should be simple. When I signed up for spanish lessons, my goal was to learn a conversational level of the language. In the past, I’ve tended to overthink my goals, endlessly rewriting them and shifting the goal posts, but in most cases, you should be able to write it down within a few minutes. At a high level, the goal of the teacher should be the same as the student. Hopefully, the goal of my spanish teacher is to teach me spanish as quickly and effectively as possible. We are aligned. 

I had started learning spanish in early 2022, when I was staying in a small beach town in El Salvador. Every afternoon, I’d walk up the road and do a two hour class with Silvia, who also worked at the local boutique hotel. Fast forward a year and she agreed to teach me again, this time online. But I wasn’t basking in the sun, and there were no waves crashing in the background. I was leaning over my computer, in the dark, shivering, staring at a ‘your internet connection is unstable’ warning.

At first, this made me lash against the class, even questioning the value of the goal I had set. I wanted to change everything about the class. If only it was in person. If only we were back in El Salvador. If only it was in the evening rather than the early morning. If only the internet connection was better. Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to quit. I’ll pick it up next time I’m back in Central America.

But I haven’t quit, yet. Silvia’s no nonsense teaching style and the form-factor of (low bandwidth) lessons over Google Meet have reflected all the ways I can get in the way of my own learning goals.

Seeking praise (buscar elogios)

After many lessons, I eventually caught my breath and found myself responding to some questions more naturally and stumbling less. But with this progress I also noticed the lack of encouragement. It’s not that my teacher was cold, or mean, or bored or indifferent, she just keeps moving onto the next thing. But I didn’t want to move on. What I wanted was pats on the back. Compliments. I had to remind myself of my goal, to learn spanish, not to receive praise. An objective teacher who focuses on the work rather than whether I feel good reminded me of why I signed up in the first place.

Stalling (Dando largas)

Learning a language is neither painful, physically demanding or stressful but it’s draining in a unique way. Most of the lesson, I feel like I’m eating an endless pile of Brussels sprouts, and I’m desperate for any way to avoid another spoonful. If Silvia had good english I might be able to stall and waste time. I could derail the conversation or make jokes. But because she only speaks spanish this is pointless. I can’t even complain in spanish, because I don’t know how!

Daydreaming (soñar despierto)

Additionally, because Silvia doesn’t really speak english, I have to listen very carefully. If you can’t clear your mind and concentrate, you’re not going anywhere. The only words you really need to listen to, speak or think in those two hours are spanish words (palabras). So again, the lack of english to hide in shines a spotlight on my wandering mind. For example, when I’m reading spanish out loud, it’s fairly easy to notice english thoughts starting to intermingle and obstruct my translation. No bueno.

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All this is probably obvious from the teachers perspective. They know that most language students will quit because of self sabotage rather than the actual work. Unfortunately, the teacher and the class can easily become a foil for us to project our stuff onto. So before you decide to quit that ‘terrible’ class, or drag your hapless teacher under a bus, remember why you signed up, and honestly ask yourself if you are helping or hurting your chances of ever getting there.