“Suffering is the rejection of reality” – Yuval Noah Harari

Thy right is to work only, but never to its fruits; let the fruit of action be not thy motive, nor let thy attachment be to inaction.” – Bhagavad Gita

Why are some people more easily frustrated than others?

It could be that they have especially dodgy wi-fi connections or bad traffic on their way to work.

It could be their disposition, conditioning or upbringing.

But maybe it’s because of their internal rules about the world. Beliefs about how things ought to be.

When these assumptions clash with reality, they get frustrated.

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To see how these sorts of beliefs can backfire, let’s look at Frank Grimes, a hapless character from The Simpsons, the episode ‘Homer’s Enemy’.

Frank is this really square, serious, buttoned up guy “who’s earned everything the hard way.” He’s a ‘real life, normal person’ who’s just working hard and struggling through life.

The joke of this episode is to have Frank start working at the power plant alongside Homer. Obviously opposite of Frank, Homer is a slacker, constantly failing to do his job properly, yet managing to coast through life. Homer can’t help but irritate Frank, who eventually becomes his sworn enemy.

As Frank settles into his new job, you can tell he’s a model worker who doesn’t have time for messing about. After perfunctory introductions he dismisses Lenny and Karl, saying “I’m sure you all have a lot of work to do.” Homer irritates him immediately, by knocking over his perfectly ordered pencils. Frank believes a good worker has a nice clean desk and doesn’t waste time with chit-chat. This sort of belief might help him feel like he’s had a productive day at the office, but it doesn’t leave much time for personal connections.

Frank is appalled at Homer’s indifference and sloppy shortcuts. When alarms are ringing in Homer’s control room, Frank has to point it out. He starts to gossip, “I saw him asleep in a radiation suit” and “I’ve never seen him do any work”. Homer doesn’t fit into what Frank believes a Safety inspector should look like, and the result is resentment: “That’s the man who’s in charge of our safety?”

When Homer nearly drinks from a beaker of acid, Frank’s beliefs compel him to intervene. Thinking fast and doing the right thing saved Homer’s life. But along with those good morals is a big dose of righteousness. He can’t help but give him a lecture. “Don’t you realise how close you came to killing yourself?” In Frank’s world, people ought to be cautious and careful. He feels that he needs to step up, because no one else seems to care.

Frank’s resentment goes into top gear when he visits Homer’s home. He’s stunned to discover that Homer has been living in a ‘mansion’. Homer has everything that Frank wants, but doesn’t have. Deep down Frank believes that only those who ‘work hard every day’ deserve a ‘dream house, two cars’ and ‘beautiful wife’. The result is the unpleasant taste of bitterness and more resentment.

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Frank only lasts an episode. He winds up electrocuting himself, yep, you guessed it, to prove a point. He couldn’t survive that particular clash with reality. Josh Weinstein, Simpsons producer, expressed regret for killing him off so early but admitted that “we took a certain sadistic glee in his downfall. He was such a righteous person, and that somehow made his demise more satisfying.”

Frank also inspired an interesting mix of reactions amongst fans too. Many related to his realistic struggle while others just wanted him gone. Everyone seemed to take away a slightly different lesson from the episode. Here are some comments from a YouTube clip:

• “The less you care about life the more you gain.”
• “Found it funny as a kid. Now it’s realistically painful. Like I totally understand Frank’s frustration now that I’m adulting”
• “Frank no doubt deserved a better life, but he blew his chance to try and make at least one friend.”
• “our modern day Job(from the Bible)”
• “Dumb lazy people = succeed Hard workers = failures”
• “people will always prefer the fun-loving over the miserable man.”
• “Life isn’t fair, Frank.”

I feel bad for Frank. He had a point, but his downfall came from clinging too tightly to it. His rigid beliefs about what a good person should look like, and what a good person deserves, only fueled his misery and suffering. He couldn’t find a balance between his particular internal code of perfection and the real dysfunction around him. 

But someone like Frank needn’t abandon their integrity or work ethic. They shouldn’t have to switch off their brain like Homer or melt down into caustic cynicism. What would help is patience (the best remedy for anger) and abiding by your inner rules a little more lightly. Neither squeezing life with a death grip, or giving up on it, but simply allowing it to happen. 

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